Saturday, April 2, 2011

~One Guilty Mama~

Ok, so I'm not normally one to be all emotional and drama-esk on here, but I'm having a really hard time today. My steri-strips came off of my incision last night and this morning, and I got a real look at what the scar is looking like right now, and I lost it. I don't have "scars"... I have a bit of one on my right knee from when I was around 4 years old. That's it. I know it's ridiculous, and I must sound pathetic and vain, but I've not had anything tragic happen to my body, and I've been so genuinely thankful for that. And this, this scar is ABOVE my bikini line. I know I could very well get stretch marks, and this would have probably been an issue at one point in the pregnancy, but I'm just heart broken. I know I'm not perfect... I don't try to pretend I am. I've just never been "here" before, and I'm completely thrown off guard with how I feel. I know Emerson is worth it. Everything about this little squirmy girl is worth it. But I don't think you realize what can actually go on with your body during pregnancy when you're on the outside. I feel like the worst mother in the world even sitting here writing this...because she is the most incredible being I've ever been exposed to, and I've not even gotten to meet her yet, and yet I'm breaking about what my body is going through to get her here.


Michelle said...

it's definitely hard to see your body go through changes, and especially changes you can't control. Hang in there... most likely you'll scar nicely like mom and I and no one will even be able to notice it unless they're super close (and no one should be that close anyway! ;])

Nicole said...

My scar from my c-section is gross and gnarly, but there are lots of girls I know that are hardly noticable! It will look better as it heals a bit and some time passes too! :) My body is so not the same, but I'm guessing you won't even be able to tell YOU had a child once you have Emerson! :)

the fritz family said...

You are a total hottie no matter what. You have such an amazing personality that NO one will ever see ANY scar on you!!